I can count how many BFF’s I have had on one hand.  Forever isn’t as long as we think it is.  You change, I change or life just gets in the way.

I had a childhood best friend, a college best friend and 30something best friend.    My best friend of late just stopped calling.  I can actually remember the last thing he said to me.  “I am at work, can I call you back?”  He never did.

The last time I saw him he was planning on moving to CA from FL.  We spent most of his visit looking for places to live.  He liked a place so much that he told me he put a deposit down on it.  But the move-in day came and went.  I don’t feel as if I pressured him to move.  Of course I wanted him to live closer.  I heard his voice almost everyday for 9 years.  Either in person, on the phone or in a voice mail.   And then there was silence. He stopped returning my calls, texts, FB messages and letters.  I received no explanation for the silence.

It has been over 6 months and I still want to pick up the phone and call him.  I want to get his opinion on everything just like before.  I want to hear all about his day and what he wore, what he ate and who annoyed him.  I want him to come for a visit so we can go to the mall and drink iced tea and eat a salad and take self portraits.

I want to just give him a hug and tell him I am sorry even though I don’t even know what I did or if I did anything.

My heart hurts.  Everyday.  His memory haunts me.  Everyday.

Best Friends Forever, forever is not long enough…




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