I can count how many BFF’s I have had on one hand. Forever isn’t as long as we think it is. You change, I change or life just gets in the way.
I had a childhood best friend, a college best friend and 30something best friend. My best friend of late just stopped calling. I can actually remember the last thing he said to me. “I am at work, can I call you back?” He never did.
The last time I saw him he was planning on moving to CA from FL. We spent most of his visit looking for places to live. He liked a place so much that he told me he put a deposit down on it. But the move-in day came and went. I don’t feel as if I pressured him to move. Of course I wanted him to live closer. I heard his voice almost everyday for 9 years. Either in person, on the phone or in a voice mail. And then there was silence. He stopped returning my calls, texts, FB messages and letters. I received no explanation for the silence.
It has been over 6 months and I still want to pick up the phone and call him. I want to get his opinion on everything just like before. I want to hear all about his day and what he wore, what he ate and who annoyed him. I want him to come for a visit so we can go to the mall and drink iced tea and eat a salad and take self portraits.
I want to just give him a hug and tell him I am sorry even though I don’t even know what I did or if I did anything.
My heart hurts. Everyday. His memory haunts me. Everyday.
Best Friends Forever, forever is not long enough…