I thought I was a good singer until a few years ago. My husband finally told me that I wasn’t as good as I thought I was. I told him that I sang in the choir from Elementary School thru High School. I had solos. I had a lead part in the school musical. I tried to plead my case. I always thought that marrying a musician would get me in his band. I married a musician and he won’t have me. I know I am not going to win American Idol but saying I can’t sing was devastating.
My mother used to make us watch musicals in the summer. I know a lot of the songs. My husband says that I sound like Ethel Merman because I like to belt them out. You know when a phrase comes up in conversation and it makes you think of a song? Well I just sing the song with gusto. Can’t hate a girl for trying.
I think I am making my husband sound like a mean person. I am grateful for his honesty. Really.
I won’t stop singing. I won’t let my feelings get hurt when the dogs start howling.
I received another generic turndown e-mail today. They will keep my application on file for a year and if any positions open up that meet my qualifications they will consider my application. I was really interested in this job. If you matched my qualifications to their needs we were a perfect match. Whatever! I am not going to loose sleep over it because I am sure the right career is out there waiting for me.
I have many unemployed friends right now. It makes me sad that they struggle in so many ways. I don’t really feel like I am struggling. I know my money is running out. I know that should be stressing me out like it is everyone else. I went from never looking at the balance in my checking account to monitoring it on a monthly basis to monitoring it on a weekly basis. Pretty soon it will be a daily event. I have done almost everything I can do to make cuts in my life style. I know I could do more to cut back but I don’t want to live in solitary confinement.
The turndown letter just gives me hope. It is really weird how I play it out in my head. For some reason I am meant to have this summer doing what I want when I want. I am still job hunting Monday-Friday. I keep a schedule for my sanity because I like a list. Job Hunt-Check, Lunch-Check, Bank-Check, Gym-Check… I don’t want to just lie around eating bon-bons and watching television. I could do that. Who would know?
When I get my next interview I want them to know I haven’t wasted this time away. That for every turndown letter I got I read a blog or an article about what I should have done different or how to improve my chances. I know the answers already. I read nothing new to aide me. Unless the thousands of people that are applying for the same jobs as me suddenly leave the area my only chance of getting a job is to keep on applying!
I don’t know why I do it but I often fantasize about how life would be different if I was thinner, had more money, and a better job. I know that happiness lives within. That joy comes from novelty, such as enjoying a new restaurant, exploring a new city, trying a new activity or just hanging with friends and loved ones.
I still want the house, the abs and the luxury of flying first class but know that I will be content in the journey.
I find happiness in the in-between.
I have a very close relationship with bread. It is one of my longest relationships. I was a picky eater growing up. But I remember the bread.
Thanksgiving rolls. Great in the toaster oven with a dab of butter on the top. But then fresh out of the oven and a small piece of turkey and more butter. Hamburgers on potato rolls. I never understood why no one else’s hamburgers were as good as my mothers. It was the rolls. Cheddar biscuits at Red Lobster. I picked Red Lobster for my birthday dinners growing up so that I could have the biscuits. I love them! I now know how many calories they have and it has ruined it for me. There was this restaurant in my town growing up called Black Eyed Pea. Assorted breads like corm bread and wheat rolls with honey butter. No reason to save room for dessert, I will just eat another roll. Sourdough in San Francisco. Something about that environment makes the bread delicious. Chowder in a bread bowl. Eggs and toast. Sandwiches a plenty. Seriously delicious. I would be in trouble if I lived there. Split top Lobster Rolls. New Englanders know what they are doing with that one.
Through the years I have realized that bread makes the sandwich, burger, hoagie/sub. I have also realized I can’t have a meal without it.
I wish there wasn’t consequences for eating all of this bread. I know I wish I was able to “Just say NO!”
My sisters and I have a joke about who you call a “friend” and who are just “acquaintances.”
I have had many acquaintances and only a few friends. I have learned the long and hard way about friendships. I know that it takes work from both parties to be friends. You both need to reach out, share in joy and sorrow and think of them when things come up. Sometimes friends come into your life for a certain reason or event and disappear when they are no longer needed. Some linger on and then you realize it has been 6 months since your last connection. They are still in thought and you still love them but you have no idea what is going on in their life nor do you have a clue into theirs. Facebook has made keeping in touch a little easier but it doesn’t hold that intimacy that a good hug or a good conversation has.
Besides my husband, my best friends are my sisters. We can talk everyday or once a month and I know that whenever I need them all I have to do is call. They are the first people I call when I have good and bad news. They give advice or just listen. They are my cheerleaders and my biggest critics.
My childhood BFF and I had a falling out about 6 years ago. I critically judged her by giving her my opinion on her current situation. A few months later my grandmother passed away and she should have been the first person I should have called. She was like part of my family growing up. We did everything together. But the wounds were too deep, not quite healed. Facebook got us back on speaking terms but I missed so much of her life. Her wedding, her struggles with having a baby and all the emotions that come with your life changing and wanting to share it with someone. We missed out on going through that together. She moved on and I moved on. But the memories will not be forgotten. We have a bond that is like blood. Memories that can’t be forgotten.
Outside of my family, my best friend is a guy. We used to work together. We enjoy eating salads and drinking iced tea. Going to movies and shopping. We just enjoy being together. We used to talk or leave messages for each other everyday. He has been going through some relationship crap and has withdrawn. He lives on the east coast and I on the west coast so the time difference has become a challenge. He’s decided to move to the west coast in November. I can’t wait!
I think it is important to have friends. Friendships promote good health and well-being. The relationship shouldn’t be what’s in it for me but what’s in it for us.
Give and Take.
I invited my husband to see “Bridesmaids” with me this weekend. I purchased the tickets early because the theatre we go to has assigned seating. I love that part. You don’t have to get to the theatre early to make sure you get the best seats because you get to pick them yourself.
It really stunk this time. Literally. I kept getting a whiff of day old body odor from someone in my immediate area. It wasn’t constant but it was definitely present. Jamey got the worst of it. The man next to him had that “old man smell” a mixture of different medicines combined with body odor. It made you gag every time he would inhale.
The movie was really funny but Jamey made it hilarious. Every time I looked over at him his fingers were near his nostrils because he didn’t want to inhale.
If you know you are going to be in close quarters kindly think of the people around you. No onions or garlic at meals. Brushing your teeth doesn’t help. Take a shower put on deodorant and wash your hair. Don’t put on too much fragrance. If you have stinky feet don’t take your shoes off. I can’t believe how many people don’t know these simple rules of etiquette.
I believe mascara is the 1 thing women should put on everyday. I am not loyal to any brand. I get whatever is on sale, if I have a coupon or if someone recommends. I like my lashes long and full. I buy blackest black. I am currently using Loreal Voluminous Million Lashes. It comes in a gold tube. I like it and it meets all of my requirements. I may buy it again but something else might catch my attention.
My husband knows when I am not wearing mascara because he will ask “Where are your eyes?”
What is the one thing you won’t leave the house without?